Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
