Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
