Best friends brother. Beat that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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