I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
