we have pet lesbian snakes
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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