You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
