I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
