it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
