she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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