coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
