i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
