I wanna passion pit in your ass
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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