So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
