you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
