Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize