So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize