Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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