After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
