Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
