Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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