I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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