Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
