when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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