i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
