Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
