id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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