worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish you could order shots online.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
