We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
