google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
