She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
