if i can run in heels then i can drive
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
