I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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