I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
