I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i was born a porn star she said
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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