I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
