grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I won the penis lottery.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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