He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is my gift to your gina
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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