omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do vagina's smell?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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