New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
