Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
