He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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