you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
