I am puke
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
