i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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