yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
