I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
