well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
