My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ladies don't puke and tell
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
