I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was born a porn star she said
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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