Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
