He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
