Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
