I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
