Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
