the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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