she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
