i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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