just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
