Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize