She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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