Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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