Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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