Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
