I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
