Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I forgot wine drunk hurts
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
