kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
