i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Your cock deserves a montage
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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