You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
