Cold hands, warm shart.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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