i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
